Items from the British "Book of Heroic Failures" by Stephen Pile

<p><h1>THE WORST HOMING PIGEON</h1>
<p>This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was
expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead,
in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil.

<p><h1>THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE</h1>
<p>During the firemen's strike of 1978, the British Army had taken over emergency
fire fighting and on 14 January they were called out by an elderly lady in
South London to retrieve her cat which had become trapped up a tree. They
arrived with impressive haste and soon discharged their duty. So grateful was
the lady that she invited them all in for tea. Driving off later, with
fond farewells completed, they ran over the cat and killed it.

<p><h1>THE WORST HIJACKING</h1>
We shall never know the identity of the man who in 1976 made the most
unsuccessful hijack attempt ever. On a flight across America, he rose from his
seat, drew a gun and took the stewardess hostage.<br>

"Take me to Detroit," he demanded.<br>

"We're already going to Detroit," she replied.<br>

"Oh... good," he said, and sat down again.<br>


<p><h1>THE WORST BANK ROBBERY</h1>

In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of
Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to
be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the
building.

A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the
bank, but none of the staff believed them. When they demanded 5,000
pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was
a practical joke.

Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching
his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the
revolving doors again.