Date: 13 Nov 1995 09:19:03 GMT
From: Andrew M. Ross 
Newgroups: mudd.humor
Subject: NSA motto collection

Nate Tuck and I thought these up in our copious free time.  But then,
they knew that...
[think of each one as prefaced by "The NSA: "]

Say, that's a nice Pentium you have there.

Yeah, we've got that.

Clipper?  I hardly even know her!

It's not just for foreign countries anymore.

Call your mom and ask for a job with us.

FANTASTIC COMPUTER POWER--eety beeety ethics

Factor?  I hardly even know her!

We could kick your butt.

First polynomial's free--but then you come to us.

Boy, do we wish we could run Windows 95 on our machines.  If we had any.

MBAVT PDXBI WKFKR NVSPM ONXXY ZOTQV INPCU WJVEY

Double rot-13 encrypted for your protection.

We keep reading about this "friends" concept....

Serving us since 1947.

Because there are only so many ways you can say "thermonuclear missile".

NSSA -- the extra "S" is for extra security.

Hey, Beavis, he said "strong encryption".

We're your fairy godmothers.

And to think you didn't know that they had Doom ported to Cray-3's.

Don't shoot us with that floppy disk.

Don't bother repeating yourself--we'll just play the tape back.

Who else did you think /dev/null was?

We're just like you, only smarter.

Dial 1-800-3

Because even dictators need someone to confide in.

Ever wonder what those numbers scrolling across the bottom of CNN mean?

Gesundheit!

Nixon's secretary couldn't get to our tapes.

Thank god for cordless phones.

Do the math.

At least you hear about what happens to Mafia informers.

No Such Agency.

Keeping tabs on the Illuminati since 1842.

One if by land, two if by sea.

Yeah, the Russkies shot down Francis Gary Powers... that's it.

Dewey defeats Truman!

"Private key"... yeah, right.

Come meet our friends from Roswell.

Other agencies make great scapegoats.

Not spying on our own people since... what time is it?

You bore us.

500 channels just isn't enough.

How could 12 teraflops be wrong?

Requested document (URL http://www.nsa.gov/) could not be
accessed. The information server either is not accessible or is
refusing to serve the document to you.

SKYNET pales in comparison.

Is that all you think we're doing?

Rendered "Jurrasic Park" when our main system was down for 3 minutes.

I'm sorry, we can't read that... do you have that information on
spindled & stapled floppy?

The NRO was just saving that $1B to see them through a rainy day.

Remember, if it doesn't say "     ", it's not the real thing.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Think Harder--we're losing our reception.

You should really learn to type better.

That's just our code name.

Our software carpentry division-- installing backdoors since 1970.

Don't you love reading your email?  So do we.

We get paid to read USENET news.

Filter?  I hardly even know her!

It's not what you know, it's what we know.

Don't send us email.  We hate reading it twice.